I have been feeling so so crappy lately. My body HURTS and my muscles are WEAK and my whole entire being is just FATIGUED. I've been to the doctor and they've run tests on my thyroid, tests for arthritis, tests for lupus, tests for autoimmune disorders and everything comes back normal. Which, in reality, is a good thing because I wouldn't want to be plagued with anything so serious. In the end the doctor put me on an anti-depressant that helps with the pain associated with depression by calming the "suffering center" of the brain. I don't feel depressed at all, not even kind of sad. The doc said that's fine, that these medicines can be used for other things besides depression and are often used to treat fibromyalgia. At any rate, today I woke up feeling particularly sore and tender and so weak that I didn't want to move, but for some reason, I just can't get out of my mind how perfectly wonderful my kids are. I'm sure it's so hard to have a mom who is in bed all the time, a mom who is sore and grumpy, a mom who can't wake up, a mom who doesn't have the energy to play. But, they are still there, still happy, still giving me all the smooches and hugs I ask for. I just want to squeeze them so tight! When I got Olly out of the tub this morning I kept telling Jack that he and Olly weren't going to grow up anymore, that they would just stay my tiny squishies forever. He just laughed and said, "mom, everybody grows up, I even just turned 5!" and we giggled. But, secretly, I wish that they could just stay my little sweeties so I could hug them and hold them forever! I get sad knowing how fast it goes by and I just want to hold on to every single moment and never let go! Oh, how I will miss their chubbiness and their silliness. Last night while I was laying next to Kaylee in her bed I could see glimpses of her baby-self in her eyes. She still has those big beautiful eyes that she had when she was a baby. I know they will always be my babies and I will always love them just as much as I do now, I will just miss holding them. So, I've decided that I will just have to hold them every day, all the time, even if they get tired of it! Poor them! I'm just so glad that they're mine for now! XOXOXXXX my babies, I will love you forever!
3 comments:
Oh leesh...you're going to make me cry. I was wondering the same thing last night in bed. How do I cherish every moment because they all go so fast.
plus, I didn't know you weren't feeling good. I'm sorry...that sucks. So they never figured our what it was? weird. I hope you get feeling better soon: )
Dude you did get me teery eyed! Gosh dang you! I tell my kids to stop growing all the time. When they grow out of their clothes I cry, when I see older pictures of them I cry. I am sorry you don't feel well. It is hard being a mom when you are running on all cylinders. I hope you feel better soon! Loved the post.
There is nothing worse than being a mom and not feeling good. It makes you feel so bad, but there's nothing you can do about it. I'm sorry you aren't feeling good. I had no idea that was going on. I hope they figure it out soon and I'm glad it's none of that other scary stuff. I'm glad you have such little sweeties to help you through the day! :-)
Post a Comment